Boys Will Be Boys (But at Whose Expense?)
by  Becks

Third and final entry which follows: Response to Intervention and Double dipping



After their last saloon trip, things got pretty interesting at the ranch.

Day One:

Murdoch sat at his desk working on the books when from the kitchen the slamming of a door was suddenly heard, followed by heavy footsteps with loud jingling.  “Stop that!  Please go away!” That was a female voice in the background.

As he was about to stand up to see what was happening, Johnny ran into the Great room breathing heavily, waving at his father with a grin the size of California, and then ran out the front door, close behind him was Scott

Teresa stormed into the Great room“Murdoch, this has to stop.  I can’t continue with their childlike behaviors!”

Murdoch shook his head ever so slightly.  “Now honey, let them get it out of their system.  After all boys will be boys.”  He sat down and continued to work.  Then he heard a loud laugh from outside; he turned and looked out of the large picture window.  There was Scott riding on his brother’s back like a bronco and slapping his butt.

Murdoch sat down and laughed then mumbled, “Boys will be boys.”


Day 2

Murdoch was standing outside talking to Cip when he saw his sons riding in.  As they got closer, he couldn’t help but notice that they were covered in mud, from head to toe.  “Only God knows what they were up to.”

Neither said a word to their father. They just gave their horse reigns to Cip and walked over to the bathhouse.  Their arms were flapping up and down as they obviously were talking about something.  Just as Murdoch started to walk back to the house, he heard a screeching yell, “DAMN IT JOHNNY!

Placing his hand on his forehead, Murdoch decided to ignore it, again.


Day 3

While giving Jelly some instructions about the water pump, Murdoch once again spotted his boys riding in.  He waited with his arms crossed. “I wonder what they’ve managed to do to themselves this time.”

Sure enough, both boys looked very disheveled.  The closer they got the more evident it became that they had a rumble.  Johnny’s cheek was bright red and Scott was nursing his ribs.  “Boys, did we have an accident of some sort?” asked their now impatient father.

They looked at each other. “No, but a dumb cow I were trying to help didn’t want it.” Johnny slipped his leg over the saddle horn and slid down. Landing, he glared at Scott.

His older brother managed a grunting breath and slowly dismounted, adding,

“Yes sir, that dumb cow would not agree on anything I wanted to do for him!”  He too glared at his brother.

“Hum, I do know that some ‘cows’ can be very, very stubborn. Go get cleaned up for dinner, now!”  He watched them limp into the hacienda.  “Something has to give or they’ll be killing themselves or me.”


Day 4

Relaxing on the porch, drinking a cool glass of lemonade, Murdoch anxiously waited for the arrival of his boys.  Sure enough, he spotted their horses, but he also noticed that the riders were absent.  “Oh, God!”

He stood up and was going to fetch Cip, when he caught a glimpse of two figures walking under the arch.  One had his boots in his hand and the other was shirtless.  It was apparent that there was also some distance between the two. “Now what?”

Deciding not to investigate, he just sat back down to finish his drink.


Day 5

Working on the books and hungrily waiting for dinner, Murdoch concentrated on the books.  ‘Two more hours for dinner, maybe I should sneak into the kitchen and steal a snack.’ 

Just as he was reading himself to stand, Johnny ran into the Great room and was aiming toward the side door for his escape.  As he reached and turned the knob, he noticed it was locked.  Turning quickly to look at Murdoch, he saw Murdoch waving the keys up in the air.  Johnny shrouded his shoulders and lifted his arms clearly stating ‘why’ to his father.

Then he heard his brother running into the room after him.  He tightens his body up against the corner of the door frame in an attempt to hide.  Looking at Murdoch, he held his finger up to his lips indicating to please not give him away.

Murdoch relax and rested his back up against his chair knowing he was going to witness a very interesting show of brotherly love.  Scott had stopped at the end of the dining table, placed his hand on the corner section and bent over a bit he clutched his side and tried to calm his breathing.  “Which way did he go Murdoch?”

Murdoch eyes looked over to his youngest, who was crotched in the corner with pleading eyes.  Murdoch smiled.  “What’s it worth to you, son?”  He asked Scott then carefully shifted his eyes at Johnny, who was astonished at his father potential betrayal.

Scott started to walk over to the desk and stopped just short of having a full view of his little brother’s body.  Glancing down to the rug, he shook his head, “Sir, he is driving me insane.  I just want….”  He stopped midsentence when he noticed the tip of a boot near the entry of the side door. 

Changing the tone of his voice, he continued.  “Well, sir, I might be able to come up with a good deal for you, should you decide to give me the information I am seeking.”  Stepping closer to the side of the desk with his back to the door, Johnny attempted a quick escape.

Scott turned and jumped on him stopping him full force.  Both fell to the floor and began to ‘dance’.  Murdoch stood and was reading himself to go pick them both up by their ears, when he saw Johnny’s boot kick his liquor cabinet. The rattling of good expense liquor bottles was loud enough to make the boys seize their activity.  Not letting go of one another, they both lifted their heads and looked at their father, who was now turning red and his fist were firmly planted on his desk. “If you two do not stop this behavior, immediately, and if either one of you breaks anything else on this ranch or in this house; I can guarantee that both of you will be working double duties for two straight months, including Saturdays and Sundays.  Have I made myself clear?”

The walls rumbled with the tone and voice level being used by Murdoch, both jumped onto their feet and started to dust one another off while adjusting each other clothes.  Gently patting his brother on the chest, Scott smiled.  “Why sir, we are just bonding some more and expressing our brotherly love for one another, Isn’t that right little brother?”  He opened his eye wide trying to get his baby brother to agree.

“Huh, oh, yeah sure Murdoch, what he said.”  He nodded in agreement. “Only double it for me.  Just love my big brother.” He reached over and slapped his brother on the cheek, affectionately.

Scott touched his cheek and smiled at Johnny. “Why little brother, I completely appreciate the love you feel for me.”  He too reached over and slapped his brother’s cheek, affectionately.

They both looked at Murdoch who was presently removing his tightly closed fist from his desk and his body was turning towards them.  Johnny was the first to take off running, immediately followed by Scott.  Murdoch was right behind them, when a sudden crash and yell and more crashes were heard from the kitchen.

Scott and Murdoch hurried their pace and upon entering the kitchen they saw it all.

Johnny was lying flat on the floor with chocolate batter covering his head, face and half of his upper torso.  Teresa was sitting on the floor, angry and huffing like a bull ready to charge.  Johnny was not moving which prompt both men to kneel down beside him.  “John, son, are you alright?”  Murdoch reached out and lifted his head.

Scott turned and helped Teresa, sitting her down on a chair.  He then turned back to assist his father.  “Murdoch is he...”  They heard a moan.

“Oh, my ass hurts.”  He had a difficult time opening his eyes with all that batter and looked like a brown bears trying to fart.  Scott chuckled at the sight.  Murdoch just let go of his head. “Ow, damn old man, that hurt.”  He started to move, but his ass really did hurt.  He sighed at the pain, and then licked his lips.  “M-m-m-m Teresa this stuff taste good even without cooking it.”

She stood up and with a defiant look she informed him.  “Well enjoy it Johnny because I am not making a chocolate cake during these next two months.”  She stomped her foot.

Johnny laid there, placed his right hand on his heart and reached out with his left hand to his sister.  “Oh, Teresa, now my heart hurts.  Just shoot me honey.  Scott give her my gun, will ya’. “

Murdoch had to smile at his boy’s insolence.  “Teresa go upstairs and clean up.  Your brothers will clean up this mess, won’t you boys?”  Scott mouth fell open.  Johnny just waved his hand up in the air.  Teresa started to walk past Johnny and couldn’t help herself.  She lifted her foot to give him a kick on the behind, but she lost her balance and landed right on top of his family jewels.

“OOOOOOPH-FFFF, Oh My God!  He curled up with her still on him.  Scott busrted out laughing and Murdoch reached out to help his ward up.  As she attempted to get Murdoch’s hand, he foot slipped again and she landed elbow first right back onto Johnny’s, um, privies.

“Muder Fu…. what da’ he…Get this menacing woman off me before she makes me a eunuch.”  Scott could not control himself and fell on his butt laughing. Teresa slapped Johnny on the stomach.  “Serves you right Johnny Lancer, serves you right.”  She twisted around on to her knees and placed her hand, where the future Johnny’s juniors were stored, then she pushed down to help herself up.

“Oh for the love of….”  He rolled over to his side and curled up in a fetal position.

“Scott, brother, protect me…. she’s killing me in a bad way.” Barely a whisper cuz’ he sounded as if he was sobbing.

Teresa stormed out and went to her room.  Murdoch stood and went to his room as well, to get cleaned up.  Scott continued to chuckle, but helped his little brother up off the floor and into the privy so he could clean up. All was finally quiet, for now, at least.


Dinner time:

Everyone was seated. Maria and Teresa had brought out the food. Maria glared at all of them.  How dare they hurt her little niño?  She was mostly angry at Murdoch for allowing it.  She slammed the serving spoons right in front of him.  “You’re job as the head of the house is to take care of your familia, not hurt them!”  She folded her arms.

Murdoch couldn’t believe this woman, “Maria look, Johnny isn’t exactly innocent in this… “  He was cut off with her hand being raised up in front of her, as she stormed out and mumbled.  “Mi pobre niño.”

“And just where is her ‘pobre niño’ anyway?  JOHN…”  He yelled out.

“Yeah, I hear ya.’”  There he stood one hand holding the wall and the other clutching his back.  His stance was not one of a proud cowboy, but of an old rodeo rider with too many bumps between the storage area, if you get my meaning. He shimmed his way to the table. Being the gentleman of gentlemen, Scott stood and pushed the chair out for him.  Johnny noticed that there was an added cushion on the chair.  He looked up at Scott and listened with suspicion. “Love…little brother, plain and simple.”  Johnny sat.

As he carefully sat on the chair he heard a weird, “Phwweee-phfffftttt-weeee..spuuurrttweee”

He just lowered his head and shook it.  As he made himself more comfortable the sound continued, slowly. “Phuuweesppuurrweeephuuwee.”  All he could do was grin and bare it. “Good one brother, good one!” 

Dinner was delayed a bit because the head of the household and the rest of the family would burst out laughing every time Johnny shifted his weight, even Maria who was peeking through the door was snickering at her ‘pobre niño.


The End

[I did research the whoopee cushions date of invention.  It was around the 1930’s but I just couldn’t resist including it, just for fun.  I hope you forgive me.]





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